What I’m Reading
Image by Anjini Maxwell
“It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.” A Prayer of Oscar Romero
Rather than talking about a book today, I feel more inspired to talk about an On Being conversation about intergenerational friendship between host Krista Tippet and guest Rev. Jen Bailey.
I listened to it this week just when I needed to; that is to say, when I was experiencing a lot of anxiety about the passage of time—not about aging per se, but rather anxiety about how quickly years pass, how fast children grow, and how difficult it is to accomplish all that I set out to accomplish.
There is something about the way that the conversation partners talked that reminded me that the passage of time can also be marked in the gifts that it brings and not just the losses we experience along the way.
Tippet, who was 60 at the time the interview took place, told Rev. Bailey, who was a new mother in her 30s, “I think there is actually something about getting older that you just inhabit your body ever more fully. I think that is something that children are attracted to in grandparents and that we are attracted to in older people.”
While I have never heard someone talk about aging in this way, I have found this to be true in my own life and in the lives of those that I have been lucky enough to share intimacies with (familial intimacy, conversational and emotional intimacy, physical intimacy).
At some point along the way, we learn that time is a gift and that this gift is finite. There is grief that comes with this realization, but along with the grief, we are also capable of experiencing gratitude, the type of gratitude that allows us to truly feel our lives and our bodies more fully.
Indeed, Rev. Bailey says, “I am here, and one day I am not going to be here. I can do what I am going to do during this time. At the same time, I can pass on that which came to me as seed, as blossom, and let someone else tend to it.”
What I’m Thinking About
In light of this conversation about aging and generational shifts, one of the important components of the conversations was about rest and self-care.
Tippet talked about being a product of second-wave feminism with its (false) insistence that women can “have it all.” She laments how utterly unattainable “all” is, leading to exhaustion and burnout (something I’ve been struggling with recently).
Rev. Bailey, who is younger than me—I fall almost squarely between these two women—and who grew up witnessing the disillusion of those in generations ahead of her, comments, “It is okay to not build the whole house, it is okay to just build the foundation.”
This entire conversation got me thinking about what it is that we are striving to achieve when we strive to achieve. What is this “all” we are after? This feels like a universal human question. Or a few universal human questions: Who are we? What do we want? What does it mean to be human? How will we be to each other? According to Tippet, how we choose to answer these questions is the difference between whether we flourish or just survive.
I suppose what I am thinking about now is what it means to flourish. I am feeling grateful for the work I do, both the intellectual work and the work I do with clients. Both are creative, and both produce pockets of time where rest, pleasure, and aliveness are valued. I’m grateful for those who share their journeys with me, and who show me what it looks like to value relationships, intimacy, and pleasure in a world that pushes productivity to the point of exhaustion.
In the words of Rev. Bailey, “While the work is important, the exhaustion cannot be expected, cannot be necessary.” I am working on balance, on rest, and on saying no to projects and tasks that deplete me so that my yeses can come from a place of abundance, and so that my life can be one where I flourish. I invite you to do the same.
What I’m Excited About
I’m going to NYC on Friday! It has been a while and I can’t wait. My friend Lucy Bloom will be traveling with me for some of the trips, and I’m looking forward to connecting with her. We are also going to spend time with a client who is very special to both of us, so that is filling my heart right now.
I will also spend some of the trip on my own and I’m looking forward to connecting with one of my best friends who has relocated there, as well as meeting some new friends and seeing a Broadway show. I can’t complain too much, I do live a rather charmed life!
Availability & Booking
NYC: September 23-26
Boston: November 11-14
Pittsburgh in between
My travel calendar is kept up to date on my website.
